On A Sparrow's Wings
by perfectsmuttyvampire
Summary: Bella’s step-father has been abusing her for years, but after the death of him and her mother, she moves to Forks to be with her father. Will she find the help she needs?
1. Chapter 1

TITLE: On A Sparrow's Wings

SUMMARY: Bella's step-father has been abusing her for years, but after the death of him and her mother, she moves to Forks to be with her father. Will she find the help she needs?

WARNING: Abuse, angst, graphic rape, self-harm and general heavy stuff.

PAIRINGS: Bella/Jasper

DISCLAIMER: THESE CHARACTERS BELONG TO STEPHANIE MEYER. I AM MERELY MANIPULATING TO SUIT MY OWN TWISTED IMAGINATION.

A/N: This is going to be considerably longer that my other fics, and I'm warning you, I do not gloss anything over or skip all the really nasty bits like I have had a tendency to do previously. If content that gets heavy and emotional isn't your cup of tea, please, be aware that this isn't a light airy fic with little birds and flowers. It's challenging.

BPOV

He hits me. His control has gone completely, and he doesn't hold back. He hits me, again and again. I feel blood run down my arm, but I don't know how the cut got there. I curl up, trying to avoid his blows. His boot strikes me again and again on my back. I make myself as small as humanly possible. I scream, pleading, begging, screaming for him to stop, for him to leave me alone. He takes no notice of my pleas. He hauls me upright, and strikes me again. I can't support my weight on my arms, I crumple again. He will kill me this time, I can't possibly survive this. I no longer have the energy to stop him hitting me. He is kicking at me, like people kick a football. In that instance, I am praying to die, because my agony is unbearable. I'm crying now, I can't help myself. And then his boot connects with my head.

I drag myself upright when he's gone. There's no point staying here, I'll just get blood on the carpet, and then he'll beat me again. Nobody is home. Renee is still at work, and he's stormed off down the pub. I manage to get myself into the bathroom, where I examine the damage. Again, there's very little on my face. He's always careful not to leave too many marks on my face. And when he does, I know all the excuses off by heart. I tripped going up the stairs, I walked into a door, the little kid I baby-sit threw his toy truck at my head, I fell down the stairs, I bruise easily, I hit myself in the face with a book, I fell out of bed and hit my head on the bedside cabinet…

I wince as I clean up. He broke another rib then. I feel gingerly up my side. Yep, another one gone. I strap myself up, wincing as I make sure the bandage is as tight as possible. Hospital is out of the question. They'd take one look at the x-rays, all the healed breaks, all the bruises and the old scars and social services would get involved. And he has always made it abundantly clear what would happen if I told. I clean the cut on my arm, wincing at the antiseptic sting. The bruises are already flowering on my chest, back and probably my legs as well. I limp slowly to my room, draw the curtains and lie down in the dark. My head is pounding. I close my eyes, and drift into an uneasy sleep.

The door opens quietly, but I wake up at the first click. He likes it when I'm sitting up and alert. He flips the light switch. I'm not sure what time it is, but it's dark outside my curtains. He smiles coldly at me. God only knows what I look like. He advances on me, slowly, chillingly. He's only wearing his boxers. Oh God, not tonight. Please, not tonight. He rips my covers away from me, and looks down. It's another specification of his, that I wear only tank top and boy shorts in bed. He smirks. I know what he's seeing, the bruises, the bruises he put there.

"Off," he demands, tweaking my tank top. I pull it over my head, letting him see the bandage that keeps me decent and supports the newest break. He smirks. "Oh Bella, Bella, Bella…did you fall again?"

"Yes," I reply, determinedly keeping my voice even, knowing he wants me to show emotion, to beg him to go away. But I won't give in, not tonight, because God knows, he's taken my dignity. I won't be begging him tonight. He whacks me around the face, backhanding me. I keep silent, gritting my teeth against the pain.

"Up." I get out of bed, and stand in front of him. He grabs me by the hips and hauls me closer, pulling me up against him. He's already hard, ready and waiting. At least it will be quick tonight. "Mine…" he breathes, before he takes my curls in his hand and yanks my head, back, leaving my lips, my throat, the swell of my breasts open for his attention. He bites my bottom lip viciously, and I can't help the squeak of pain. "Shut up." He plunges his tongue in my mouth, and I have to force myself not to gag and shove him away. He pulls away, and shoves me back onto the bed. I have to cry out with pain when I land back on my broken rib. He slaps me again, and yanks the boy shorts off. He puts one hand over my mouth, whilst he makes me kneel. He shoves himself inside me, groaning at the sensation. I have to bite my bruised lip to stop myself screaming in agony. I'm dry as a bone, and he hurts me. He keeps thrusting, even though by now, my tears are falling onto his hand and I'm screaming around his hand for him to stop, that he's hurting me. But my obvious pain and pleas for him to stop just make him go faster, clearly enjoying himself more and more as I cry more. He yanks my hair, pulling my head back, keeping his hand on my mouth. He shudders behind me, and then pulls out and finishes off on my legs. He pushes me away, and I slump by the side of my bed, crying helplessly. "Go clean up."

I sit there for about half an hour before I get myself to my feet. His come has dried on my legs, and I feel dirty. I haul myself into the shower. I have to scrap the stuff off with my fingernails and I cry silently. My skin is red raw by the time I'm done, and eventually I call it a day. No amount of scrubbing will make me feel clean again. I reapply my bandages, and I cry silently. I grab my keys, leave a note for Renee and him, and I go to school early. It is six thirty when I leave the house. I start my car, and I drive away. I get to school an hour before it starts. I park a block away from school, and let the tears course down my cheeks, silently. I'm done making noise. I'm not sure I could, even if I wanted to. My throat is raw with crying, and I really, really just want to sleep. The sleep stops the pain. I start the engine again at eight twenty, and drive into the school lot. I park up, and jump out. Nobody calls my name from across the lot, nobody runs up to ask how my weekend was. I keep my hood up, and travel across the lot to class in silence.

A/N: Well, that's chapter one, Chapter two will follow. Please review.


	2. Alone, Oh So Completly

Alone, Oh So Completely

BPOVI sit alone at the back of the class. Nobody talks to me, or passes me notes, like the others do. It would be depressing if I felt emotion anymore. The only expression of emotion I have anymore is the ability to cry, silently. But I focus, and I listen. The teacher leave me alone, because I get good grades. And in classes this big, they have no time for the quiet girl who gets the grades. They only have the time for the loud kids who don't, or the kids with difficulties. Sometimes I just want to scream that I have difficulties too, that my difficulties far outnumber theirs. But I never do, because then I wouldn't be invisible. And invisible is good.

Only in Trig do I ever really get spoken to. My teacher calls on me for answers sometimes, if only because he knows I've got them right as soon as he's written them. Apparently it's nice to have one less retard in the world. My Trig teacher is much like a tiger - fierce and scary, but if you attack the standards of one of his top class, and he goes all maternal and protective - a tigress. He's the only one who looks at me with some modicum of concern.

History is easy, if only because escaping to the past helps me forget for a while. But today, we are doing recent history - the millennium. The biggest party in History. It's only because it's the last day of term, and the teacher has run out of interesting ways to entertain us, so he just plays us videos of the parties. London, New York, Seattle, Berlin, Paris, Barcelona…

But I play my own personal video behind my eyes.

_I came home from school on my fourteenth birthday, and Phil was waiting. He said that Renee was at work, but he was taking me to the cinema to celebrate. I dumped my bag and got in the car with him. He asked all the usual questions: what did I want to see, did I want popcorn, a drink, maybe some ice cream? There was nothing unusual about it, nothing at all. _

_But when the lights went down, and the movie started playing, I felt his hand on my leg, running up under my skirt. I opened my mouth to tell him to get the hell off me, but he grabbed my leg tightly, and told me not to say anything. He ran his hand up and down my leg a few more times, and then he stopped. I couldn't move, I was somehow frozen in my seat. He didn't talk to me on the way home, but then he pulled into an abandoned car-park. I asked him what the hell he thought he was playing at. He smiled coldly, the cold smile which is all he ever gives me now, and told me I was his now. I asked him what he meant, and he just smiled more, and said "Let me show you."_

_He'd pulled me across to sit on his lap. He told me Renee couldn't satisfy him, so I had to do it. Then his hands started fumbling with my knickers, pushing them to the side -_

I jerk back with a gasp. The bell has just gone, and everybody around me is gathering their things. Last class. Back home. Home to Phil.

The car won't start first go, and I have to try several times to get it going. Eventually it coughs to life hoarsely. I'll have to get it serviced. Piece of junk. I drive home slowly, trying to find an excuse to stay away for just a few more hours. I have homework. I could ask to go to the library. Look at me. Seventeen years old, and I still have to ask permission to go to the library. How did it come to this?

"Bella? Is that you?" Renee's home? What the hell is Renee doing here?

"Mom? You're home early." I go into the kitchen, and she's sitting at the table, hands wrapped around a mug of coffee.

"I know love. It's my last day too, so I thought I'd take the rest of the day off, and you and I can go late night shopping at the mall. Only it's nearly Christmas, and if you're anything like me, you haven't started shopping." My scatterbrained, disorganized mother twinkles at me.

"Yeah…yeah I'll come. Just let me grab my purse." I dash upstairs, and dump my school bag, trading it for my purse and shoulder bag.

The mall is heaving, mostly people thinking 'Ohmygod, it's Christmas in a fortnight, I haven't even started shopping…what am I going to buy?' I envy them. If only I could just worry about what I'm going to buy for Mom, and Phil, and what card I'll send to Charlie. That must be nice. Everybody looks so happy, and carefree, despite worrying about presents. The Christmas spirit is affecting everyone, except me. How depressing, I think. It must be a nice thing to be infected with Christmas. I'm sure it feels wonderful. Renee is dashing around like a five year old, asking me what sort of thing I'd like, and I point out a few things, just to please her. Hide the secret. I ask her what she'd like, and she drags me to a little New Age shop.

"Anything from in there," she beams, twinkling.

"How about we split? Meet me in, say, an hour and a half, and I'll try and get all mine done then so you and Phil can have some time without me." And I can have time without Phil. She dashes off, looking excited and happy. I amble into the shop, and the smell of incense nearly makes me retch. God that's strong. I wrinkle my nose involuntarily, trying to take quick, sharp breaths through my mouth. I look about, a little helplessly. I don't know where to start. I browse aimlessly, looking at packets of incense, little oil burners, scented candles, a relaxation kit. I'll get the relaxation kit. It's got incense, scented candles, little aromatherapy oils and little packets of herbs for teas. Renee loves herbal tea. Yes. I will get her this.

But what to buy for Phil? My mothers present is securely wrapped in a plastic bag, and then put inside another. But what do you buy for a man like Phil? Porn? Possible. You certainly don't buy him a relaxation kit. Castration op, possibly. I think the incense went to my head. I feel a little light and floaty, and surprisingly don't-careish, and the wise-crack one liners are coming thick and fast. I go into the men's section of the department store. I'll get him a sweater. Always a nice, safe thing to get for somebody. I want something…bold, but not bright. I explain this to the shop assistant, and she leads me into the sweater section and locates a rack of woolly sweaters, patterned in the same colour as the sweater itself, but still bold. Perfect. Now, what colour? Black, or a nondescript grey colour? Black, I think. I make my purchase, and wonder dimly if I could get his name embossed on the back in scarlet letters. Preferably under the word pervert.

Renee is flushed and excited when she comes to meet me again. But my incense high withers and burns inside me. Phil is with her. He has his arm around her, the perfect picture of a happy couple. It sickens me. How can he act like that, when he'll be with me tonight, forcing me to do for him what I shouldn't have to, what Renee should do. But my head aches violently, and I close my eyes in the car. I decline dinner that night, and go upstairs, desperate for time alone.

That's how I want to be. Alone. Oh, so completely alone…

_A/N: Kudos to anybody who noticed Bella's flashback there was cut short. There's a reason. The flashbacks become vital later in the story, so I couldn't tell it all now. Anyway, keep reading…and please review. _


	3. Twisted Christmas

Twisted Christmas

BPOVChristmas day is sunny and warm. We go for the traditional family walk in the morning, and come back warm and hungry. Phil makes breakfast - the family deal. He cooks on holidays. He sets bacon, egg, sausages and beans in front of me, and we eat with many jokes. Or Renee and Phil do. My mother knows I'm a quiet person. She lets me eat in silence.

After breakfast, we open presents. I get DVDs from Renee and Phil, some CDs, clothes and books. Charlie sends a gift certificate for my favourite clothing store. Renee 'loves' her relaxation kit, and dashes off to the kitchen to try it out. Phil stares at me. And then he smiles coldly.

"It's upstairs." I make an excuse to Renee and slip upstairs to put my new CDs and clothes away. Sure enough, there's a wrapped package on my bed. I open it with shaking hands.

Victoria's Secret. He brought me a Victoria's Secret Santa Baby outfit. There's a note. _Wear it tonight. Be waiting. _

I'm waiting dutifully. I've learnt not to disobey him, and I learnt it the hard, painful way. He comes in naked. He's never done that before. I've never really seen him naked. He hardens instantly at the sight of me standing there in a Santa outfit. I shudder, I honestly can't help myself. He sees the shudder, but he only smiles coldly. He comes over, and runs one hand up my arm, slowly. It leaves goose bumps on my skin. I shiver. He pushes my hair off my neck.

"Beautiful," he breathes, looking at my breasts, almost falling out of the top of the tiny dress. He kisses my neck - a hot, open mouthed, wet kiss. Then he bites, hard, and I cry out. He doesn't try and stop me, but I bite down on my lip anyway. "Renee won't hear us - she's at her friends house for a Christmas drink. She won't be back tonight." He whispers the dread words, the ones that mean he expects me to spend the entire night with him, pleasuring him. He reaches behind me and draws down the zipper on the pathetic excuse for a dress. He doesn't pull it down, and it catches at my hips, leaving my now bandage free torso open for him. He grabs one breast in his hand, squeezing roughly. I bite down on my lip harder, determined not to cry out, not to make him happy like that. He yanks the dress the rest of the way down. I didn't put any panties on, knowing he hated it when there was underwear between us. The sharp slap on the back of my legs makes me cry out involuntarily. He sits down on the bed, and yanks me to lie across his lap. His hand connects with my ass, a harsh slap that echoes round the room and makes my ass burn. He doesn't let up, raining blows. I scream, crying, begging him to stop, telling him it hurts, but he doesn't listen, he just laughs. And then, without warning, he pushes me upright. I am crying, tears streaking down my face, stinging my lips. I must have cut them.

He fucked me viciously, not caring that with each thrust he made, my hips were slamming into my desk. He took me bent over my own desk. My ass was sore from the spanking, and I cried with humiliation, seeing the discarded Santa costume lying on the floor. He shuddered behind me, and slammed back into me with a loud slap of skin on skin. I scream in pain - my hips just slammed against the desk with enough force to break something. He finishes with a shudder, and drops to press himself against my back.

"Filthy little whore…" He chuckles darkly before leaving the room. "I won't be back. Renee just pulled up outside." I crawl into bed, sore and aching, and curled up into a little ball, trying to get some sleep.

It continued all that week. But then New Years Eve rolled round. They went out for drinks at the local pub, leaving me behind. I said I had holiday homework, that I was tired and needed an early night.

The doorbell rings at three. I'd fallen asleep on the sofa, and I get up to answer it. I think it must be them home. But then I open the door, and two serious looking policemen are on the doorstep.

"Yes? Can I help?"

" Miss Isabella Swan?" The younger one asks me my name, and he looks very grave and serious.

"Yes, that's me."

"Miss Swan, I think we ought to continue this inside." I step back, and they file into the living room.

"Can I get you anything? Tea, coffee?" I'm still half asleep. I don't really register that there are two cops in the room. But I shake my head to clear it, and focus properly. "Has something happened?"

"Sit down, Miss Swan." Why do they keep calling me Miss Swan?

"Tell me what's happened." My voice is toneless, carefully controlled.

"There's been an accident. You need to come with us to the hospital. Immediately."

"What kind of accident? Mom? Is my mother alright?"

"A car accident Miss Swan. As your parent's were leaving the pub -"

"Phil is not my father. He's my step father."

"A drunk driver hit the taxi they were travelling in. I'm afraid, Miss Swan, that Phil did not make it. He was declared dead on scene. Your mother is in intensive care - but we're afraid she won't live. You need to come and say goodbye." my knees start shaking, and I fall into the chair I'd never sat in. I stare up at him.

"No, she can't be dying. He can't be dead."

"I'm sorry Miss. But you need to come with us."

Renee clung on for a day. But they told me she was entirely brain dead. She wasn't going to wake up. Only the bleeping machines were keeping her alive. Charlie had flown from Forks as soon as I'd called him. He was there to give then the permission they needed to turn off the life support. I held my mothers hand as they pushed the button. They left us alone to say goodbye.

The funerals were the worst. I had to read the eulogies, and whilst I didn't mind doing my mothers, the words of Phil's nearly chocked me, tasting bitter in my mouth. He was NOT good, he was NOT kind and he certainly wasn't loving. But I read them out anyway, and his mother cried in church, and hugged me after, telling me that her son had always spoken highly of me, talking of intelligence, and promise. I can't tell her what her son really was - it would break her heart. I fly to Forks, Washington the next day.

A/N: So, the evil one is dead, but Bella isn't away from him yet. Keep reading, and, as always, review…


	4. Is It Over?

Is It Over?

JPOVThere's a new arrival in town. The Chief's daughter has come home to Forks, from Phoenix, Arizona, after the death of her mother and step father in a car accident on New Years Day. Everybody knows everything in this town, and it doesn't take much to get tongues wagging. And a new girl stirs the local gossips up to a frenzy. I remember the day she arrived. Emmett, Edward and I were playing football in the field across the road from her house, and the police cruiser drew up. A rusty Chevy stood in the drive, and I saw the girl ask about it. He said something back, and she smiled and obviously said thanks. But even from a distance, there was something about her. Her hair swirled around her face, her clothes were slightly too baggy to be flattering and she was sort of - hunched over herself. Like she was protecting something. Well, her mother and stepfather did just die. She's probably just sad. Just then however, the football smacked me in the side of the head. The catcalls and laughter attracted her attention, and she looked towards the field.

BPOV "LOOOOOOSSEEEERRRRR!" The shout of boys attracted my attention. Apparently, one of them had just missed a shot. I looked towards a field where three boys had apparently been playing football. They were apparently brothers, all looking uncannily similar, although they were all so different. The one furthest from me was dark, his curls wild and unkempt, but with a huge smile and he was clearly well-built. The next one was much slighter, with untidy bronze hair, and was holding a football. The closest was honey blond, curls hanging to his eyes, and also muscled and smiling. They waved at Charlie and I, and Charlie waved back.

"Who were they?" I asked once we were inside.

"Hmmm? Oh, the boys on the field! That's the Cullen brothers. The really big dark one is Emmett, the skinny one is Edward and the blond is Jasper."

"Oh." He left me alone to unpack. I could see the field from my bedroom window, but the boys had gone now. I'd probably see them in school. They all looked roughly my age, apart from that big one - which was he? Emmett or Edward? Or Jasper? I'd already forgotten.

"Hi, Billy…yeah, she's here alright…and she says she loves the truck…no, I'm sure she means it…yeah she's fine…bearing up pretty well, under the circumstances…why don't you come up? And bring Jacob too…she used to love playing with him when they were kids…and I'm sure she'll be interested to hear all about him…yep, that's fine…alright…see you."

"Dad? Was that the Billy I think it was? Billy Black?"

"Yeah that's him. He's coming up - is that alright? And he's bringing Jacob…and Jacob's…friend." Oh. Right.

The Blacks have been friends with Charlie for years. Jacob and I used to make mud pies together when we were younger, and then when we got a little older, we'd go crabbing. The last summer I was here, aged fourteen, Jacob told me his greatest secret, just after I'd asked him out.

"I'm gay, Bells…not that you aren't a great girl and all…it's just…" I'd cut him off with a wave of my hand. I think I knew anyway. But somehow, I'd always loved Jacob. It was only when I got older that I realised he'd become a brother to me. And now, Jacob has a "friend." Friend my arse. Boyfriend, yes, possibly. The entire town knows Jacob is gay, I know he's gay, why are people sugar-coating it?

"Charlie, my man!" The mock-cool voice of Billy Black rumbles upstairs. But old habits die hard, and I wait to be called before I go downstairs. I don't even step off the stairs before strong arms are around my waist, and I'm off the floor and being spun around. Jacob always did that. And apparently, he hasn't grown out it.

"Put me down!" I shriek, half-afraid. I seem to be very far off the floor. When he sets me on my feet, I see why. The boy's huge. "Christ, Billy, you been giving him growth hormones?"

"Tell me about it," Billy chuckled, rolling himself towards the living room. Charlie shakes his head, and goes after him. The sound of a baseball game starts up on the TV.

"Jesus, Dog…you got tall."

"Jesus Bells…you got pretty." I smack at him, and then become aware of the young man standing in the doorframe, smiling nervously.

"Aren't you going to introduce me?" I elbow Jake in ribs, but he just blushes. Typical teenage fist love. "I'm Bella. I've known Dog here since we were babies. We used to make mud pies together." I realise with a jolt he's one of the Cullen brothers, seeing as I've already forgotten their names. I stick my hand out, and he shakes it.

"I'm Edward, Edward Cullen." He looks a Jake with a look of puzzlement. "Do I want to know why you call him dog?"

"No, you don't," Jacob breaks in hurriedly. He glares at me. "Don't you dare tell him."

"Fine I won't tell him…tell you later Edward." Jake picks me up and flings me over one shoulder. He ignores my pleas to be put down, and carries me into the living room.

"Charlie, I'm kidnapping your daughter for a bit. See ya!"

I drive around town, following their garbled directions to get to the school. They start arguing about which one of them knows the best way to go. Edward insists he does, and Jacob draws me a little map on a napkin. I screw the map up and follow the signs instead, not trusting either of them. I remember the way home quite easily. They lapse into an argument about who will be my tour guide tomorrow for the first day at school. I stop the truck and wait for them to stop arguing. When they realise we've arrived, they look around as if waking up.

"Do you argue about everything?"

"Yes."

"No." They look at each other.

"Yes, you do." I decide for them, seeing as I don't want to sit through another argument. "And here's the thing - if you carry on, neither of you will be my tour guide. Besides, what makes you think I need a guide? I'm not incompetent, nor am I blind. I can read a map. Besides, how big can your school be? There's what, only like one thousand people in this town. And that means approximately half that number go to school. Ergo, it cannot possibly be very huge."

"But you'll still have a tour guide…me, for instance." Jacob says importantly.

"No, I will be her tour guide," Edward insists, half glaring, half smiling indulgently at his boyfriend.

"You're both my tour guide. Now get out of my truck before I am banged up for GBH."

They're sweet together, even kissing goodbye on Jacob's doorstep like a young couple on their first date. I have to sit through at least five minutes of "Please don't go's" and "I'll miss you's" and "One last kiss."

"Cullen!" I shout out the window eventually. "If you don't get in this truck so I can take you home right now, you can walk!" He kisses Jacob one last time and then runs to the truck. He waves until Jacob is out of sight, and then settles back with a goofy sigh. "Now, which way to your house?"

I dropped him at the end of his drive, and then drove home. Charlie yelled goodnight from the couch, and I went up to bed.

I had to stop myself wearing tank top, shorts and then sitting around waiting. I pull on a big baggy t-shirt and sweats instead, and fall asleep. I'm exhausted.

A/N: Bella is hiding her pain people, OK? Hiding her pain. So, did everybody liked my little Jacob/Edward twist? REVIEW!!!


	5. Too Old For First Days

_Too Old For First Days_

_BPOVI'm too old to be having a first day of school. I'm certainly too tired. I woke up at three, screaming. Charlie charged into my room, demanding to know if I was hurt, and that just made me scream more. But when I'd calmed down and realised who exactly it was in my room, I managed to fob him off with the excuse that I'd had a nightmare about Renee. He stroked my hair sadly for a bit, and then went back out. It was an awkward conversation at breakfast. I didn't mention the nightmare, and he didn't press me._

"_So, how long as Billy been in a wheelchair?"_

"_About two years. Car accident." Yet he survived. Why did he survive, whilst my mother died, whilst I lost her? There is a strange pain in my chest. "He lost his wife in the same crash." The pain dies, and I realise it was anger at Billy's survival. But knowing he lost too…_

_I pick up Jake on the way in. He puts the radio to an oldies station, and sings along, knowing every word._

"_You know, I wouldn't mind if you could actually sing…" I tease gently. He doesn't stop. We both know he's got a good voice. But when the next song comes on, I switch the station to a modern one. He doesn't ask questions, just switches to singing that one. I know it, and I join in. It's strangely easy to pretend that everything is alright around Jake. I kick him out the truck when we get to school, just outside the front office, and he takes over the driving, while I go to check in, pick up schedule and map. _

"_Now, dear, you give this slip to every teacher to sign, and you bring it back at the end of the day. It's just so we know what you're capable of." She smiles kindly at me. God, please don't let her pity me. I can't handle pity. "I'm sorry for your loss dear." _

"_Thanks," I mutter, and then slip out abruptly, leaving her to stare after me. I know I'm being rude, but I can't handle pity. It's the last thing I need right now. _

_Jake slips an arm around my waist and hugs me comfortingly. _

"_Pity, huh?"_

"_How did -"_

"_My Mom and Dad remember? That's all people gave him and me - you look like he used to when people told him they were "sorry." He said that them being "sorry" couldn't bring her back, and that them being "sorry" wouldn't help him walk again, so he didn't want them to say it." _

"_Yeah, Charlie told me about that last night." I return the hug. Edward arrives, and notices I look sad. He too hugs me, and it feels natural to hug him back._

"_Chin up, little Bella." I nod vaguely and then notice the car behind him._

"_Is that yours?" The bright red convertible sticks out like a sore thumb among the rusty and beaten-up old cars that fill the student lot._

"_Um, strictly speaking, it's my sister's." He points at a blond bombshell just getting out of the drivers seat. She glides over. _

"_You must be Bella. Edward said you were a friend of Jake's." She blows Jacob a kiss, and he mimes catching it and putting it in his pocket._

"_Yep, that's me."_

"_I'm sorry about what happened Bella." I can't blame her. It's a natural reaction when people lose somebody, to tell them you're sorry. But it annoys me none the less, and I feel the spasm of pain cross my face. She looks at me carefully, and then drops the subject._

"_You MUST meet everybody!" She drags me to the little group gathered by the car. She introduces a tiny little dark girl first, who beams at me, and gives me a big energetic hug, which is far out from her tiny frame. "This is Alice, the baby of the family, and also the most hyper. Be careful - don't give her sugar."_

"_And I'm Emmett." The big, dark one picks me up in a bone-crushing hug. _

"_Can't - breathe!" He puts me down carefully, and grins down. _

"_I will be your new big brother." he adds, and then pulls the blond boy forward, who is lazing happily against the side of the car, eyes closed. He stumbles and nearly falls._

"_That's Jasper…we call him Jazz…he'll probably be the one day dreaming and getting hit the head with footballs because he isn't paying attention." The blond girl continues. "And I'm Rosalie, the eldest after Emmett. And of course, you've met Edward, the second youngest of the family." Jasper waves vaguely, and then tips his head back again and refocuses on the clouds. I realise he's singing under his breath. I get very excited suddenly. That was Renee's favourite. I sing the last line shakily, and he brings his head down to look at me in amazement._

"_It was my mothers favourite. Excuse me. I have class." I walk away as fast as humanly possible. Footsteps follow me, and I try to hold the tears back. But it's Jacob, and as soon as he catches me, he puts one hand on my shoulder and I crumple into his arms. _

_I ended up in the nurses office, with Jacob holding my hand._

"_Maybe it was too soon for you to be back at school Bella," he says, looking at me worriedly. "Maybe you should -"_

"_No, Jake, I'm fine. Really, I am. It was just unexpected. I over- reacted. I'll be fine. Just give me a bit."_

_Most of the teachers give me space at the back, and they don't seem to mind when I find myself gazing out of the window. Seeing sometimes nothing, seeing Mom. Seeing him. Edward walks me to the canteen, seeing as he was in my English class. Jake intercepts us, and catches Edward's hand in his. I brace myself for the comments, but nobody even bats an eyelid. Probably used to it. If they'd been in Phoenix, they probably would have been ribbed for it. Edward latches me securely with his other hand, and they drag me along to the lunch line. I don't bother, disentangling myself, saying I'll just have salad. But I spy on them both from the salad bar. Edward takes both their books, and Jacob collects the lunch. Alice comes up behind me and makes me jump._

"_They're sweet, aren't they? Why don't you come and sit with us today?" I go and plonk myself down next to Jasper, who nods at me. During the noisy arrival of Jake and Edward, he leans over to whisper in my ear._

"_I'm sorry - you know, about earlier. I didn't know."_

"_Of course you didn't know. It was me, I just heard the song and freaked. I sang it at her funeral, that's all. It just brought back bad memories." Many bad memories, remembering the night Phil played that song whilst he fucked me. There's more than one reason I was crying as I sang it. _

_But nobody needs to know what Phil did to me. It's in the past and he is dead. It is over. I can carry on. It need never be spoken of again._

_A/N: So, the end of the fifth chapter, and Bella believes she can le the past be. But will she be able to hide from it? _


	6. Nightmares and Movies

Nightmares and Movies

JPOVI felt so guilty when she ran off crying that first day. Even though I couldn't have known, I still felt responsible. Edward tried to reassure me, but I pushed them away. I always sing under my breath. And I had to pick her dead mothers favourite. She said it didn't matter in the canteen, but I could still see the pain hidden in her chocolate eyes. I didn't say a word on the way home that day, just thinking about her. Even though she smiled, she was sad, even when she laughed at Jacob, or Emmett, or Edward, the sadness burned in her eyes. The sadness and the pain.

I spoke to Carlisle when we got home.

"Dad?" I poked my head round his study door.

"Yes? Oh, Jasper! Come in, come in, take a seat." I collapse into a seat opposite, stretching my legs out in front of me. "What's the problem?"

"Isabella Swan."

"What about her?"

"She's sad." Carlisle looks blank. Probably thinking his middle son has finally lost it.

"Well, she only very recently lost her mother and step-father Jasper. Of course she is sad."

"You don't get it. She is sad…but I think it's more than grief. In her eyes, Dad, the sadness and the pain…I just wanted to hold her."

"So you have a crush?"

"No! No, god, she's only just lost her Mom."

"Doesn't mean you can't still have a crush on her. You want my advice? You just be there. That's it. No more, no less."

"I made her cry."

"Excuse me?"

"I made her cry. I was singing Motherland, and she sang the last line, mumbled something about it being her mothers favourite and then ran off crying. I didn't mean to do it, I didn't even realise I was singing it at first, but then she started. I felt so guilty, she'd looked so upset, like she was in so much unbearable pain. I tried to say sorry at lunch, but she wouldn't take it, just told me it didn't matter."

"Well, maybe it's just her way of coping."

"But she isn't coping Dad! She's freaking out about the tiniest things. In Trig this morning she spent the entire lesson staring out the window, and then recoiled when the janitor walked past. A guy brushed against her on the way to gym and she nearly had a heart attack, shying away from him like he was going to hurt her. It's weird Dad, but I think it's more than grief. Whenever she speaks about the accident, she only ever mentions her mother. It's like her stepfather never existed."

Carlisle just repeated the advice to be there. If there was anything, he said, if I am a friend to her, and I am proved correct, then perhaps in time she'll tell me. And if I am wrong, perhaps one day, she'll tell me about the accident.

"Oh, hey Jacob." He's leaning easily against the doorframe. "I don't know why you don't just stroll right in, you practically live here."

"Never. That would be rude of me. Anyway, is Alice around?"

"Alice?"

"No, you dork, I'm not secretly conducting a passionate affair with Alice behind Edward's back. You know I have eyes only for your brother. She's helping me choose his birthday present, if you must know."

"Haven't you got that yet? God, I brought mine ages ago."

"We're picking it up today, don't worry."

"Do I want to know what you got him?"

"Probably not. Nah, I just personalized a T-shirt as a little joke one, but I got him something else, which you don't need to know about."

"Point taken. ALICE! Jake's here." I leave the door open, and she joins him at the door. They exchange words, and then the door shuts and Jacob's car starts up.

The phone rings. It's probably some dorky boy ringing for Rose.

"Hello?"

"Is Rosalie there?" The voice is a little high pitched, presumably with nerves.

"Yeah." I put the phone on the table and shout up to Rose. "It's one of your fan club on the phone!" I replace my phone in the cradle. They'll probably be talking for a while. Rose will string him along, letting him believe he has a chance, and then crush him with three words. In your dreams. I switch the TV to some random channel, and watch losers getting themselves weird tattoos. Miami Ink, apparently. I will go to that store one day, and I will meet the maniacs who get their bodies adorned permanently in weird designs. A guy comes in to have a huge dragon on his back completed. Ok, so that is pretty cool on a certain level. Not something I would do personally, but hey. That's his choice. Still cool though. I watch a few episodes. But I flick it off when a woman comes in to have an angel tattooed on her back in memory of her dead son. That's personal. Not something I need to watch.

I think about Bella that night. All that extraordinary sadness in deep chocolate eyes, all that pain, but something else too. I can't name it, because it's buried. Her eyes are so deep, and every time you see them, they're full of pain and sadness. I want to make her happy again for whatever inexplicable reason. But everything inside me screams to take her, hold her, keep her safe from whatever makes her sad, whatever causes her pain.

She and Jacob arrive in separate cars the next mornings. She's all huddled against the rain, and then I remember she's lived in Arizona her entire life. Oh, this is going to be a shock to the system. She whacks Jacob playfully across the head. She had to jump to reach it at all, and it makes me laugh. She ambles over to us, a smirking Jacob in her wake.

"Don't you smirk at me like that, Dog," and his smirk vanishes.

"Bella, I told you, don't call me that," he hisses, flushing darkly.

"And I told you, Dog, not to mention the rain. I like to suppress unpleasant happenings, including rain, snow and clouds."

"Are either of you going to tell me why you call him Dog?" Edward interrupts. Jacob slips his arms around his waist and gives him a bear hug. He says no at the same time Bella says yes, and he glares at her.

"Don't you dare Bells. I mean it."

"Touchy. It was years ago Jake. It doesn't matter any more."

"Then let it go."

"Never!" She doesn't quite smile, but she looks round at us. "I don't suppose anybody has History now? With Mr Davies?"

"Yep, me. Come on, I'll walk you to class." I hear myself say it, but I don't remember having any immediate plans to say it. We turn back at the steps to wave goodbye, and to shout back that we'll see them all at lunch. Rose, Alice and Emmett have all disappeared, and Jacob and Edward are too busy snogging to take any notice of us. We're close enough to see them both smiling as they kiss.

"I can't actually make up my mind whether that's sweet or disgustingly cute," Bella murmurs, watching them fondly. "Bless." We start walking to class.

"You get used to it. They used to be a lot worse when they first got together - couldn't put each other down, always staring into each others eyes and mumbling to each other."

"Awwww." She smiles. But again, it doesn't reach her eyes.

History is interesting. Bella is much more alert today, and answers questions with aplomb and intelligence. We get into a mini-debate about whether or not Hitler was always a maniac, or whether he became that way. Bella thought he'd become that way, I thought he'd been born that way. The class joined in, and the teacher sat back, looking pleased at his new addition. The bell rings before we wrap it up, but the teacher still has time to shriek our homework at us as we pack up.

"You're going to be like, his new favourite forever now."

"How interesting."

"You're going to be like his pet, he'll love you - Bella? Bella?" She's stopped walking and she's staring at me with wide, horrified eyes. I swear I could drown in them. I watch them fill with tears. I dash back to her side.

"What was that? What did you just say?"

"Bella, it was just a joke!" What have I said? The tears are flowing freely. She doesn't seem to see me, staring and staring with wide horrified eyes. I grab her face in my hands, but still she doesn't seem to acknowledge me. Her lips are moving, but there's no sound coming out. There's a crowd gathered round us now, staring at the frozen Bella, listening to me shouting her name. and then she freezes completely. She doesn't move, doesn't blink. Finally she blinks, stares at me, yet through me. Her scream brings teachers running to the scene.

A/N: I'm sorry about the cliffy. But you know, sometimes, a chapter just has to be left on a note of suspense. Why exactly has Bella suddenly freaked out? What's going on? What did Jasper say? As always, please review and tell me what you are thinking.


	7. Ways Out

Ways Out

BPOV

I think I must have blacked out, because I suddenly found myself in the nurse's office with no memory of how I got there. I jerked upright, and Jacob leapt to his feet in the corner.

"Jake?" I focused properly. He isn't the only person in the room. Edward's there, sitting next to the chair Jake just vacated, and Jasper's sitting in the corner, his head in his hands. But he looks up at the sound of my voice. "What happened Jake?" But he just sinks down into his chair, and Edwards wraps one arm securely around him and hugs him tightly.

"You had some kind of fit. Do you remember? After History class. We were talking, and all of a sudden, you froze. It was like you couldn't…like you weren't really there." Jasper speaks, his voice hoarse, his eyes afraid. Oh yes, I remember. But I can't remember why it all happened. There didn't seem to be any kind of link. But wait…Jasper said something, just before. He called me pet. Or he said the word.

Phil used to call me pet.

Charlie crashes through the door to the little room, and sweeps me up in a hug.

"Oh, God, Bells, they said you had some kind of fit, are you alright?!" He takes my face in his hands and peers worriedly at me. He rounds on the school nurse, who takes one look at the state he's in and takes him outside. But the door doesn't latch properly, and we can hear every word.

"Chief Swan, has Bella any history of any episodes like this?"

"No, nothing, she's always been healthy. Look, what exactly happened?"

"We don't know."

"What the HELL do you mean, you don't know?"

"We don't. We have absolutely no idea. It apparently just came out of nowhere, untriggered and apparently completely random. You need to take her to hospital, get her checked. It was a very violent episode."

I had to spend three hours sitting in hospital. Jasper's father examined me.

"So, Bella, as far as you can think, nothing could have feasibly caused this?"

"Not as far as I know."

"And you've never had an episode like this before?" He finishes up with the bloods, and hands them to a silent nurse at his side. She hurries off.

"No, never." Literally never. Not even when Phil was at his worst. I know it was just a flashback…but Carlisle doesn't need to know that. Nobody needs to know that.

"Bella?" I hadn't realized I was dozing until Jacob's soft voice filled the cubicle.

"Hey."

"What the hell happened Bella? Me and Edward were walking to class, and then we heard a scream. We ran towards it, and you were standing there, and you were just screaming. Jasper was trying to calm you down but it was like you couldn't see him. You were just staring out the window, screaming at something. And then you just crumpled and hit the floor. Jasper had to carry you to sickbay. I thought he was carrying your corpse off at first, you were so pale and still. I couldn't even see you breathing. I've been a wreck for hours. They wouldn't have let me through if Edward hadn't been Carlisle's son."

"Is he here?"

"Right outside. You want to see him?"

"Yeah, please. Sounds like you would have had some kind of breakdown if he hadn't been around." Jake sends Edward in and thoughtfully buggers off.

"Thanks."

"What for?"

"Holding Jake together. He worries far, far to much. He'll go prematurely grey. But that isn't why I wanted to see you."

"I guessed not."

"What was I screaming Edward? You need to tell me. What was I screaming? Jake made it sound like just noise, but inside my head…what was I saying, Edward?" He looks at me, debating something.

"You were screaming at somebody to stop, to stop hurting you. And you were making little noises, like you were in pain. But you were mostly just screaming 'stop it, you're hurting me.' I thought you were yelling at Jazz at first, but the first time you said hurting, he took his hands off you, but you carried on. It was like you weren't there Bella. It was like you were far away."

"Can you - can you just give me a moment alone, please?"

"Bella, you can talk to me," he begins hesitantly, but I cut him off with a sad shake of my head.

"I can't talk to anybody, Edward. And don't ask me anything. Just give me a moment. Please." He purses his lips up, and stares at me hard. But finally he spins round and walks out the room. I put my head back on my pillow.

_The vision had been so strong, so real. I didn't look like I'd been there because I hadn't. I'd been back in Phoenix, on summer break the year I was sixteen. Phil had taken me off for a weekend in a cottage, just me and him, because Renee was working all weekend. She'd thought it would be a great thing. When she said goodbye, she'd hugged me and told me to go off and have fun. I wanted to scream at her that the last thing I would be having was fun, to tell her exactly what her husband did to me. But I didn't. I just smiled, and told her I was sure I'd have a great time._

_That was the first time he called me pet. The first time he'd done bondage with me, tying me up, doing disgusting, degrading things to me, and he'd told me I was his pet. And I'd screamed at him to stop, that he was hurting me for two days straight. My throat had been raw for three days. It hurt to sit down. It hurt to wear a bra. Phil used to get excited about the bruises, and he'd whisper obscenities in my ear, groping me through my clothes, and making me act out scenes from movies he'd seen. I couldn't walk without my core hurting for over a week. _

And when Jasper had said pet in the corridor, quite by chance, I had seen that summer, Phil leering at me, as if I was watching him do all those things to me. He'd looked so real, so solid. I'd reacted badly. I thought for one horrible moment that he hadn't died, that somehow he had survived and he was coming for me. I'd relived that weekend in thirty seconds, and I'd been screaming at a vision to not hurt me. If anybody knew, they'd lock me up.

"Bella?" Carlisle's back, and he looks grim.

"What? What is it?"

"Bella, I need you to think hard for me. Over the past three months, has anything unusual happened to you?"

"Like what?" Like my step-father raping me, for example? Like my step-father breaking several of my ribs?

And then I look properly at his face, and my blood runs cold.

That last time Phil had sex with me.

He hadn't used a condom.


	8. Tell Me It Isn’t What I Think

_**Tell Me It Isn't What I Think.**_

_**BPOVI stare at Carlisle in blank horror. I can't be pregnant, there's no way I can be pregnant. Please don't let me be pregnant.**_

"_**Bella, the results of your blood tests were very strange. Your body apparently, is changing, adapting for something, but I can't work out what it is. The results are almost like a woman in the very early stages of pregnancy. Have you had unprotected sex at any point in the last month?"**_

"_**No. No, I haven't even got a boyfriend."**_

"_**Bella, it's very, very important that you tell me the truth. I will keep your confidence."**_

"_**I haven't had unprotected sex! Look, it could be an infection, right? Maybe I'm going down with the flu, or something!" **_

"_**It could be, yes. You need to come back in another month - I'll have to run more tests."**_

"_**But I'm not pregnant!"**_

"_**The tests will confirm whether or not you are. But, in the meantime, if you feel ill at any point, come back, and we'll work out what it is, OK?"**_

"_**Yes, fine. Can I go now?"**_

"_**No, we need to keep you in overnight, just in case, seeing as how I still don't know what caused the fit. Your Dad is here, by the way. Do you want to see him?"**_

"_**Not really. I just want to be left alone, OK? Tell him I'm asleep."**_

"_**And Jasper has been very worried -"**_

"_**Just tell them both I'm alright, alright? And please, just leave me alone. I'm very tired." I close my eyes, and turn my head away to illustrate my point.**_

_**I don't sleep that night. I stay sitting up in bed, knees tucked up under my chin, crying silently. I rub my stomach absently. I examine my breasts. My stomach is flat, unchanged. My breasts are slightly bigger - my period, surely? I don't feel any different. My body hasn't changed. I feel normal. I can't be pregnant. I can't have Phil's baby. **_

_**I know even before it's due that I won't bleed. There's no period. I leave it two weeks, and then I make a secret appointment with Carlisle. I can't wait a month. I need to know now, and it's not like I can just go to the chemist and buy a pregnancy test. Everyone in town would know in hours. Charlie would be furious. He'd demand to know who the father was, demand to know how I could possibly have been so stupid.**_

"_**Miss Swan? The doctor will see you now."**_

"_**Bella, come on in, take a seat." His office is neat and clean - OCD, perhaps? "How can I assist you today?"**_

"_**I skipped a period. I need a pregnancy test." He looks at me carefully. **_

"_**Bella -"**_

"_**I'm not going to explain it to you Carlisle." He gets a packet out of a cabinet, and motions me into the loo. **_

"_**Go in there. The directions on the packet explain it to you."**_

_**I do the test with trembling hands. I don't look at the results, I just walk out with the stick in my hand after the specified amount of time.**_

"_**You tell me." I put the stick face down on his desk, but he doesn't pick it up.**_

"_**Bella, is there anything you need to discuss with me? Not many girls has physical difficulty looking at a pregnancy kit. Has something happened that isn't normal circumstances?"**_

"_**Doctor/patient confidentiality, right? Which means no matter what I tell you, it doesn't leave this office?"**_

"_**Right. Unless I can justify that you are in physical danger. In which case I would be obligated to inform the appropriate authorities."**_

"_**Just tell me what the damn test says." He picks up the little white stick and turns it over.**_

"_**It's positive Bella." I pale. **_

"_**Are you certain?" He shows it to me. It's positive alright. I take several deep breaths.**_

"_**We need to talk options, Bella." He looks very grave and serious.**_

"_**Well, what are they? My options."**_

"_**You can carry the child, and keep the baby, or carry the child and have the baby adopted - or you can have an abortion, which I'm afraid to say will be costly, and your father will probably have to be involved."**_

"_**What do you think I should do?" I can't think right now. I need him to be a doctor, cold and removed, and give me a list of the pros and cons of each option.**_

"_**Well, carrying the child and keeping the baby after it's birth has obvious consequences. The childcare systems in the town aren't the best, and you'd probably have to drop out of school to care for the baby. And naturally, the gossip would not be kind Bella - you'd be a young and gathering from your reactions so far, a single one. Forks is, sadly, rather stuck in the dark ages when it comes to single mothers, although you would get all the support you needed, you would be the subject of gossip for a time. Ask Jacob and Edward what being different in this town is like for the first few months. **_

_**Alternatively, you could give the child up for adoption - which many young mums find incredibly hard to do once the baby is born. And again, there would be gossip. Additionally, social services would get very heavily involved, as you are so young, and this would be the case if you went ahead with the pregnancy regardless of what you'd do once the baby was born. You need to consider these options very, very carefully Bella. I'm sure I don't need to tell you how difficult abortion would be. I would guess, since this is the first period you've missed, that you can't be more than two months along. I'll need to do tests to determine that. And I'll have to admit you to run those tests." I put my head in my hands. My shoulders shake. I'm half crying, half-laughing. Carlisle looks concerned. "Bella, I know you've had a shock. But you need to remain calm." And then he utters the dread words. "You'll have to tell Charlie."**_

"_**Don't call him. You can admit me if you promise you won't call him."**_

"_**You are going to tell him, aren't you?"**_

"_**I don't exactly have much choice, do I? I can't afford abortion, and Charlie would never pay for it. I'll tell him, Carlisle, but let me do it in my own time."**_

_**A/N: So, what do you all think so far? And what will Bella choose to do? Review… **_


	9. Choices and Telling

**Choices and Telling**

**BPOVI'm just under two months along. I know when this child was conceived. Christmas Day. It would have been romantic - if the father hadn't been my stepfather. **

**How am I going to tell Charlie? I come close a couple of times over a period of three weeks. I'm four months along when I crack and tell Jasper what's wrong.**

**The morning sickness is terrible. But it isn't even in the mornings - it's normally lunchtime, which has often resulted in me making dramatic dashes from the canteen, skin an odd green colour, one hand clamped over my mouth. Jasper quizzes me several times. So does Jacob and Edward. So do Alice, Emmett and Rosalie. Emmett's way of asking me what was wrong was actually quite funny.**

**He was waiting outside the ladies room. **

"**Hey Bella-Boo. Jeez you look awful."**

"**Oh, gee, **_**thanks**_**, Emmett. Remind me to come to you next time I need sympathy."**

"**I'm just saying. You're all green and clammy. Have you got flu or something? Oh God, you aren't **_**infectious**_** are you?" Emmett is all tact and sensitivity, just a nice big, cuddly teddy bear. Not.**

"**No, Emmett, it isn't catching." **

"**OK, but seriously, Bella, are you going to be alright? This is the second day in a row you've thrown up."**

"**Nah, Emmett, I'll be fine." 'No, you won't,' the voice inside my head whispers. Stupid voice. 'When are you going to face up to things?' "It's probably just something I've eaten. I'll be fine in a couple of days."**

**Rosalie and Alice ganged up on my, asking me in worried tomes if I was OK when I was still throwing up several days later. I managed to put them off with the dodgy food excuse, but I was slightly thrown when Carlisle showed up with a very stern expression on his face,**

"**Would you like to explain to me why you are almost three months pregnant and your father has been into my office in the hospital asking me if I can prescribe you something to settle your stomach seeing as you have a "bug"?"**

"**No, not really."**

"**Bella, you can't run from this forever. Now I'm sure you have your reasons for not telling your father you are pregnant, but you have to tell him at some point. You can't keep it a secret for nine months Bella!"**

"**Carlisle, I'm having a little trouble finding an explanation that won't give Charlie a heart attack or send him straight to the - look, I'm really busy Carlisle. I will tell him - I promise."**

"**No, no, what were you going to say there? Send him running for who?"**

"**It doesn't matter, OK? There's nobody for him to go to. It's not like it will make a difference. It's over." I'm only half aware of Carlisle in the room. **

"**What's over, Bella, what are you talking about?"**

"**It doesn't matter! Please, can you just go?" He looks at me, but turns around and gets back in his car.**

"**Bella? Bella, it's Jasper. Are you alright in there?" I hang over the toilet bowl, retching helplessly. I pull the chain and stand up shakily. Jasper followed me this time. We've become friends, occasionally singing together, spending more and more time together. Rose told me he liked me, but I made it abundantly clear that I wasn't interested, as subtly as possible. He wouldn't want me if he knew, and therefore I will not set myself up for his inevitable disgust and abandonment. I move carefully, trying to keep my belly protected. It's showing, and my t-shirts and sweaters are getting rapidly baggier. I'm wearing Jacobs cast off now. They hang off me, which is exactly what I want. They hide the rapidly growing bump. I haven't been for a scan. I haven't seen Carlisle for nearly a month. He knows Charlie doesn't know, but he can't say anything without breaking doctor/patient confidentiality. I yank open the bathroom door, and Jasper falls onto me. I steady him automatically, but he still brushes against my stomach. I feel a flutter. He looks up at me in something vaguely akin to horror. **

"**What the hell…" I grab his hand and haul him inside the janitors closet across the hall from the loos. "Bella, what the hell was that I just felt?"**

**JPOV **

"**You have to give me your word you won't say anything. No matter what itell you, you can't say anything to anybody!" She looks desperate and she's clearly close to tears. "Except Carlisle, because well - you'll find out."**

"**Bella, I can't promise you that until I know what's happened."**

"**Promise me Jazz, please!" She looks desperate. I take a deep breath. I'm probably going to regret this. **

"**Alright. I promise." She takes my hands and guides them to her stomach. I can't quite believe what I'm feeling. She can't be.**

"**I'm pregnant, Jazz," she whispers, and then she starts crying. I hug her, expecting her to push me away, as she always does trying to stop me developing more of a crush (I'm going to kill Rosalie), but she doesn't. she grips the front of my shirt and buries her head in my shoulder. I don't mind the fact that my shirts getting damp. **

"**Sorry," she sniffles, wiping her nose after about five minutes. "It's just…you know…so **_**hard**_**!"**

"**Oh, Bella, why didn't you say something? You've just been saying it's a bug. Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you tell Jacob?"**

"**I couldn't tell anyone. The only people who know are me, you and Carlisle. And you can't say anything Jazz, not to anybody!" I promise her I won't, and stand guard outside the loos while she washes her face and comes out. And then the blindingly obvious question hits me.**

"**Who's the father, Bella?"**

"**That isn't relevant Jasper." **

"**It's very relevant. You said the only people who knew were you, me and Carlisle. Doesn't the father have a right to know?"**

"**Not really, no." She refuses to be drawn on the subject any further.**


	10. Time Heals

_**Time Heals**_

_**BPOVMore weeks pass, but still I can't tell Charlie. But inevitably, he sits me down, and looks at me seriously.**_

"_**Bella, I'm not stupid. There is something wrong, and seriously. You've been eating much more than normal, your clothes are getting baggier and you've been getting mood swings like nobody's business, Bella. Tell me what is wrong. I can get you help. I promise you, I can get you help. And I won't get angry." **_

"_**Trust me, if I told you, you'd get mad. It doesn't matter Dad. Really, it doesn't matter."**_

"_**Bella, talk to me, please. You've gotten all glowy and healthy looking. You've put a bit of weight on - don't think I haven't noticed you wearing elasticated waists now, and ditching tights."**_

"_**And you won't get mad?"**_

"_**I won't get mad."**_

"_**I'm pregnant. Nearly five months." He turns a very peculiar shade of purple. I worry about his immediate health. His face is changing colour, going from purple to red to white. "Dad? Dad, are you alright?"**_

"_**Pregnant?" He repeats the word as if he hasn't heard it before.**_

"_**You said you wouldn't get mad."**_

"_**Get out."**_

"_**Dad?"**_

"_**Go Bella." I freeze in position. "NOW!" I jump, but get up and go upstairs. I pack a few things. I don't say goodbye to the man who seems to have turned to stone on the sofa. **_

"_**Charlie kicked me out." Edward gawks at me. I've given up on the baggy tees and the bump is obvious now. "Is Jasper here?"**_

"_**Jazz…Carlisle…can you both come here please?" His voice sounds strangled, like he can't really breath properly. He steps aside, slightly dazed, as Carlisle and Jasper appear.**_

"_**Charlie kicked me out." I'm pulled inside the house. **_

"_**What do you mean he kicked you out?"**_

"_**I mean I told him I was pregnant and he kicked me out. He just said get out. So I got out."**_

"_**I'm sure he didn't literally mean -"**_

"_**You weren't there Carlisle. He quite defiantly meant get out. I haven't got anywhere to go. Is it alright if I stop here, just until I can get something else sorted?"**_

"_**Yes, of course. I'll call your father myself in the morning. I'm sure he just needs time to calm down."**_

_**A/N: So, Charlie has kicked out Bella but she hasn't got together with anybody yet. Can Bella learn to love again, or is it too late for her? Review… **_


	11. Tragedy

Tragedy

JasperPOVShe bore it pretty well. Charlie took her back, apologizing profusely for his stupid reaction, even though the fact that she wouldn't tell him who the father was filled him with suspicion. He eyed me a few times, because Bella and I have finally become properly close. I don't mind that she won't let me do anything but hug her when she cries for unexplained reasons, although she is pregnant. Carlisle said it would be hormone city inside her head. I still remember Jacob's reaction when he was told. Edward told him - Bella said she was too scared.

JacobPOV

Edward snuggled closer. I just lay back, lazy half smile on my face. Where does this boy come from? He's incredible - in more ways than one. It takes me a while to realise Edward is trying to attract my attention.

"Jacob!"

"Oh, sorry…Yes, my love?" He shakes his head at me.

"How did I end up with somebody so inattentive?" He smiles at me, and I put one finger on his chin, and bring his lips to mine.

"Because nobody else would have you." He kisses me, smiling. I pull him to lie on top of me, trailing my finger tips up and down his side, resting at his hip, tracing little patterns there. I know how ticklish he is, and sure enough he wriggles away, sitting up and grabbing my hands to stop them wandering. He frowns at me.

"You have a one track mind," he complains, looking serious.

"You love it, don't pretend like it isn't fun having a boyfriend who won't let you walk through the door without kissing you."

"That isn't the point," he retorts, trying to look irritated. It doesn't work. "No, but really, can you focus on me, and not my body for a minute. I have some rather…interesting news."

"Sounds ominous," I say, pulling him down to lie next to me. He rests his bronze head on my chest and flings one arm across my stomach.

"It's about Bella…" He sounds like he is choosing his words very carefully.

"Just spit it out Edward." He traces little circles on my abs.

"You have to promise that you will remain calm."

"Oh-oh."

"Jacob!"

"Alright, I promise I won't get mad."

"She's pregnant."

"Repeat that, slowly and clearly."

"She's going to have a baby." He rests his chin on my chest and looks up at me with those endless green eyes. "And if you get mad and go all unreasonable, I'll impose another sex ban." I had been puffing myself up to scream a stream of expletives, but as he says that I visibly deflate. That isn't fair. But effective.

"Who's the father?"

"Don't know."

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T KNOW?!"

"I told you not to get mad!" He snaps at me, glaring. " I mean, I don't know, and she won't say!"

"Right."

"You're taking this remarkably well."

"No, I'm really not you know." I roll out of his bed, and he sits up, sufficiently tousled and flushed to take some of the edge of his glare. "Tell me where she is Edward."

"Probably with Jasper, playing cards. That's where she spends all her time." He gets up too, pulling on sweatpants and my tee. I just yank on my jeans. Edward's shirts don't fit me. We go downstairs, and he holds my hand. Probably trying to keep me as calm as possible. Hell, I'm tring to stay calm, really I am.

JPOVJacob glared when he and Edward walked into the room. The steam is practically coming out his nostrils.

"You scumbag," he snarled at me. Well, that was unusual. "You've barely known her for six months, and she's pregnant!" Whoa.

"Jacob," Bella says, calmly.

"I'll handle this Bella. What the hell were you thinking? She's in a vulnerable position and _you _take advantage of her!"

"Jacob," she says again, this time joined by Edward. She glares at him, he looks bloody murder. If looks could kill.

"What kind of person are you?"

"Jacob, I admit, that if I was the father of Bella's child, I would happily submit myself to you for the beating I would undoubtedly deserve. But I am not the father of her child, and as such, I feel your accusation is unfounded."

"I said we didn't KNOW who the father was and Bella wasn't saying anything!" Edward snarls at Jacob. Bella doesn't look up from her house of cards.

"Bella?" Jacob says quietly.

"You heard Edward Jake. You wanna tell me why you're attacking my boyfriend?" I sense she wants me to go and I get up and go into the kitchen. I can only hear low mumbles. But Jake looks suitably shame-faced and says sorry when I go back in, and then Edward hauls him off upstairs.

People stare openly at Bella in the school halls. She becomes ore and more hunched as the day goes on. I keep telling her to straighten, but then somebody makes another comment and she slumps over again.

The cafeteria is crowded. Suddenly, loud catcalls, and cheers of "fight, fight!" break out near us, and we look up to see Mike Newton and Eric Yorkie squaring up to each other. They launch themselves at each other. Bella walks past with her tray, eyes on the ground not the fight. And then everything happened so fast, I wasn't sure what had happened. Mike got caught off balance, and fell against the table at the same moment somebody going to get a teacher knocked the tray from Bella's hands. She turned to pick it up, putting herself directly in the path of the table. It smashed into her stomach - Mike is no light weight and he'd caught the table a good one. Bella's hands flew to her stomach, and her scream of pain stopped the entire lunchroom in their tracks. Mike and Eric looked towards her with quiet dread. I was at her side, holding her head, trying to get her to talk to me. She was still on her feet, but she was staring at the floor - watching the blood pool around her feet.

A/N: Now, that is what I call a cliff-hanger. I'm SO SORRY, but that is probably the last update for a bit, there's no way I'm going to finish the next one by the end of today - it's nearly nine pm here, and I have college tomorrow. I will try and get you the next chapter, but I doubt it's going to happen until probably Wednesday…hang in there, it will be up by Wednesday night at the absolute latest!


	12. Blood

_**Blood**_

_**JPOVShe doubled up, screaming again as the blood continued to spread. Mike was as white as a sheet and Eric looked sick. **_

"_**Bella, I'm so sorry!" **_

"_**Fuck off, Newton!" I'd have decked him myself if Bella hadn't chosen that instant to grab my shirt front and shake me. **_

"_**It HURTS!" She screamed, and I saw her eyes become huge and deep. I didn't know what to do, but Rosalie pushed me briskly to one side and knelt down in front of Bella.**_

"_**Get her on the floor, quickly. And clear this room!" By now there were teachers on the scene, and they helped get people out. Jacob refused to leave and had to be forcibly removed by Edward and Emmett. Bella wouldn't let go of the front of my shirt and Rosalie let me stay. She'd taken her advanced first aid course, and was currently the only person in the room qualified or capable to deal with this.**_

"_**Rose, it's too soon!"**_

"_**Bella, there's nothing I can do." She saw the blood, she knew long before Bella had accepted it that there was no way the baby would survive.**_

_**She had to deliver a dead child. I never let her go once. But one thing happened during her labour.**_

"_**Bella, we need to alert the father!" Carlisle had begged her, hoping that now, in the face of the inevitable, she would tell him a name, somebody he could call.**_

"_**You can't tell the father!"**_

"_**Bella, please!"**_

"_**The fathers dead!" She'd screamed, wild eyed and crying with pain. "There's nobody to tell!" **_

_**She'd refused to hold her son at first. She'd asked whether it was a boy or girl, and they told her. She asked if he was alive. And when they'd said no, she'd turned her head to the wall and asked them to take him away. Carlisle had refused. He'd laid the baby in my arms, and I'd given him to Bella.**_

"_**Bella, hold him. Just this once. You'll regret it if you don't."**_

"_**And I'd regret it if I did."**_

"_**Bella! Hold him." She looked up at me. I'd held the bundle in my arms out to her, and she'd made an awkward cradle with hers. **_

"_**Leave me." I withdrew, respecting her wishes. **_

_**BPOVHe was so tiny, so perfect. But dead. I couldn't escape that. I didn't want to hold him, not at first. But I agreed, and I don't know why.**_

"_**Hello, little one. I'm mummy. You don't know me. I'd secretly hoped that one day you would know me. And I would maybe one day, tell you about daddy, but then again, perhaps not. I was going to call you David, if you were a boy. You were going to be my little Davy. You were going to have so much to look forward to. All the love and the care you could ever want, a family, a home, somewhere you could be safe. I wouldn't have ever let you get hurt, little one. You would have gone to school. Passed exams, become a great success somewhere. You could have been anything, and I would have made sure you could follow your dreams. The things you should have seen, little one. All the big cities in the world. I would have given you the world, my little one. I would have loved you." I kept him cradled in my arms, staring at his face. And then I saw the blanket move an infinitesimal bit, just a tiny movement. I thought I'd imagined it at first. But then I would swear he screwed up his little face.**_

"_**CARLISLE!!!" He came running in, followed closely by Jasper and Charlie. I didn't know he was here. How long had he been here. But that didn't matter now. "He moved, Carlisle, I'm sure**_** of it!" Carlisle looked doubtfully at me. **

"**Bella, perhaps, sometimes, when a mother is very determined that her baby is alive, they can imagine -"**

"**NO, Carlisle, when I say he moved, I mean he moved his face!" **

**JPOVShe looked so determined. She glared up at Carlisle, as if challenging him to doubt her. He took the baby, and laid it on the bottom of Bella's bed. He unwrapped the blanket. He laid his stethoscope on the baby's chest. And then a quiet whimper filled the room.**

"**Get Paediatrics down here now!"**

"**He's alive! I told you, I said I saw him move!"**

"**Carlisle, how is that even possible?" I asked him, full of bewilderment.**

"**I don't know, Jasper, I don't know."**

"**Jasper, he's alive!" I put my arms around her and kissed her hair without thinking. But she didn't shy away, she just stared at the bundle on the foot of her bed, crying and laughing, somehow at the same time.**

"**I know, Bella, I know." **

**He had to spend a long time in ICU, but he was allowed home eventually. She refused point blank to put him down, except when he slept. And then he was in her room, and she'd slip in and out occasionally, just to "check he's OK". Carlisle said she was just a first time mum who was going to be inclined to worry, especially after his birth. But the birth and subsequent survival of little Davy changed Bella somehow. She became vivacious and bright, and bustling. She was much more open, and easy. Less…less tense somehow. And admittedly, he was outrageously beautiful.**

**BPOVHe's adorable. Big brown eyes and a tuft of dark hair. It's good that he looks like me, not Phil. I don't think I could love him if he'd looked like Phil. I talk to him every day, telling about everything. About Phil, about what he did, about how he came to be. It helps to talk to somebody, even if that somebody is a baby. **

**The day it all goes wrong, he's in my arms. I start to shake, and then I drift. **

_**I came home from school on my fourteenth birthday, and Phil was waiting. He said that Renee was at work, but he was taking me to the cinema to celebrate. I dumped my bag and got in the car with him. He asked all the usual questions: what did I want to see, did I want popcorn, a drink, maybe some ice cream? There was nothing unusual about it, nothing at all. **_

_**But when the lights went down, and the movie started playing, I felt his hand on my leg, running up under my skirt. I opened my mouth to tell him to get the hell off me, but he grabbed my leg tightly, and told me not to say anything. He ran his hand up and down my leg a few more times, and then he stopped. I couldn't move, I was somehow frozen in my seat. He didn't talk to me on the way home, but then he pulled into an abandoned car-park. I asked him what the hell he thought he was playing at. He smiled coldly, the cold smile which is all he ever gives me now, and told me I was his now. I asked him what he meant, and he just smiled more, and said "Let me show you."**_

_**He'd pulled me across to sit on his lap. He told me Renee couldn't satisfy him, so I had to do it. Then his hands started fumbling with my knickers, pushing them to the side and he shoved two fingers inside me. I screamed. I couldn't help it, it had hurt so much, so hard and fast. He slapped me with his free hand and told me to shut up. When I didn't, when I screamed at him to stop, he'd smashed my head back on the steering wheel.**_

_**When I came round, I was in the backseat, and he was on top of me. He'd pushed my skirt up around my waist, and he'd taken my knickers off. I'd tried to scream again, but he clapped his hand over my mouth and told me if I didn't keep quiet, he'd hurt me more. Then he'd plunged himself inside me, and I couldn't help the scream around his hand as he took my virginity. He'd just laughed when I started crying, and used his free hand to squeeze my breast through my shirt. That had hurt too, and I'd screamed more. He just kept going, and then he'd pulled himself out, and finished off on my face. He'd handed me some tissues, and told me to clean myself up. I'd done so, with shaking hands. Then he'd pulled me back into the front, and we rode home in silence. When he stopped the car, he grabbed my face and kissed me, forcing his tongue into my mouth. I sat there, rigid and unmoving. **_

"_**If you tell, I'll kill you." I didn't answer, just getting out of the car and running upstairs.**_

**JPOV **

"**Bella! Bella!" Her son was screaming in my arms, and she was shaking violently. I'd seen her start to shake, and then I'd snatched the baby from her arms. She didn't even move, jut stared into space. Then she seemed to come back. "Bella, look at me!" She did, turning her head impossibly slowly to stare at me uncomprehendingly, like she didn't know who I was. And then she'd focused on the screaming baby in my arms.**

"**Give him to me," she said, tonelessly. She fed him, still staring into space. It was almost mechanical. Everybody watched her. She had the far-away, painful, sad look in her eyes she'd had when she first came to Forks. It wrenched my heart to see her like this. I wanted to gather her and the baby in my arms, to vow I'd keep her safe from whatever haunted her. But I knew she wouldn't let me. **

**A/N: Wow, I finished this earlier than I thought. So, here you go, the cliff-hanger to end all cliff hangers is undone. And leaving you with another. Sorry. **

**So, the birth of Bella's baby has triggered her flashbacks. What will happen to her now? **


	13. Flashbacks

A/N: I had "Chiquitita" by ABBA on in the background whist I was writing this paragraph. Or, specifically, the bit where Jasper begs her to tell him what's wrong. It helped me to deal with writing this chapter, because of the flashbacks I had to write.

**Flashbacks.**

**BPOVThe dreams came more frequently after that day on the field. Usually at night, when I was alone, and I'd put the baby down. And then the dreams - no they weren't dreams. They were memories. Each one was a memory, completely random, plucked from the three years of abuse. I preferred it when they came at night. I could hide them. But when they came during the day, when the others were there, it was more complicated. It was becoming more difficult to lie, to pass them off as daydreams. I knew why they were coming now, six months after it was all over. It was because of Davy. No matter how much he looked like me, he was still part of Phil. But for all that, I still couldn't bring myself to hate him. He was my baby. I loved him, no matter how I had conceived him. **

"_**Bella…where are you, Bella?" His voice echoed menacingly round the house one weekend, just before summer vacation. Renee was working again, and we were alone. I was sixteen years old. He came into my room, wearing just his shorts. I was doing my homework. "Get up, little Bella." I was well drilled by now, knowing the consequences of disobeying him. Knowing the beatings that accompanied disobedience, being less than prompt. I jumped to my feet, and stood in front of him. He walked over to my bed and sat down on the edge of it. I knew what he wanted, but no matter how many times he asked me to do it, I never managed not to throw up immediately after he had left. He knew I did it, and it satisfied him in a sick way. I hated him for this, even as I took my place on my knees, between his legs. He'd taken off his shorts, and he stood to attention, waiting. "You know what to do, little Bella." I took him in my hand. He didn't move. I started pumping him, gently at first, then getting faster and firmer, knowing he liked it when I did this. And then he grabbed the back of my head, and forced me to take him in my mouth. He fucked my mouth, and I tried to keep up with his pace. I swirled my tongue around him, nearly retching as I tasted his pre-cum, and finally he shuddered and spurted down my throat. I swallowed - spitting automatically qualified a beating - and waited sullenly until he'd left the room and gone downstairs with a satisfied smirk to run to the bathroom and throw up.**_

**Jasper comes the next day - he always makes a point of spending the weekends with me. Sometimes Jake and Edward came too, but often it was just me, Jasper and Davy. I couldn't help it sometimes, watching Jasper hold Davy and gush over him, I couldn't help imagining if that baby was Jasper's child, and we were a proper family. Jasper didn't deserve me. He deserved somebody who was capable of loving him, not somebody who was afraid of contact beyond hugging. I went and sat behind him, and put my arms around him. He leant his head against my shoulder, never taking his eyes off Davy. I reached down one finger and stroked the little cheek. He gurgled satisfyingly, and then Charlie came in, just as we were cooing over the little fun-filled gurgles. **

"**You three look so good together," he'd said, leaning casually against my doorframe, knowing I didn't like it when he came in. "Almost like a little family." then he'd produced a camera, and it was the most natural thing in the world to look down at the chubby little fist that was currently waving at Jasper and hear the camera click. The chubby fist found a finger to cling to, and closed his fingers round it. I stared at him in amazement. He had quite a grip for a baby so tiny. **

_**Phil threw me onto my bed. **_

"_**Who was he, Bella? Who was he?"**_

"_**I don't know what you mean!" I screamed, trying to scramble away from him.**_

"_**Yes, you do! That man you were with today outside the library!"**_

"_**I was just giving him directions! He was lost, that's all!" And then I screamed in pain, as he'd hit me with his belt. he'd not stopped, not even when I felt the blood. But eventually, he'd thrown away the belt, hoisted my hips into the air and plunged himself inside me. I'd screamed as he brought one hand down across my back. He'd been much harsher than normal - my punishment. He'd finished on the cuts on my back. I'd screamed at the sting. He'd grabbed my hair, and yanked my upright. **_

"_**You will never disobey me again, Bella." His whisper and been low and threatening. He threw me down, and there had been nothing left for me to do but slump against the side of the bed, crying helplessly. I tried so hard never to cry in front of him. But it never worked. I always ended up sobbing. **_

"**Bella! Bella!" Jasper was hovering over me, looking scared. Charlie was gone. **

"**Shut the door." **

"**Bella you have to tell me what's wrong. This isn't the first time this has happened. When you go far away, the look in your eyes Bella, the look in your eyes. I am begging you Bella, tell me where you go, tell me what you see."**

"**It's just daydreams Jasper!" I'm agitated. He mustn't ever know. He'd turn away, and I can't lose him. **

"**Then tell me what you daydream of to make your eyes fill with pain, your face fill with terror and make you seem to struggle against something invisible to get away! Bella, PLEASE, I beg you, let me help!"**

"**You couldn't help. Nobody can help me Jasper!" I can hear the desperate edge in my voice. "it's over. Let it go!"**

"**What's over Bella? What are you so afraid of?"**

"**I can't say Jazz, don't you get it? I can't say!"**

"**But if it's over, then why not?"**

"**Because you wouldn't stay! I've lost too much in my life Jazz, and I won't lose you too!"**

"**Bella, look at me!" He takes my face in his hands, and forces my head round to look at him. "Look in my eyes Bella. Do you see a lie in them when I tell you that I love you, and no matter what has happened to you, I will never, ever leave you? Do you think I am lying? Do you think I am capable of lying to you Bella Swan?"**

**JPOV**

"**Look in my eyes Bella. Do you see a lie in them when I tell you that I love you, and no matter what has happened to you, I will never, ever leave you? Do you think I am lying? Do you think I am capable of lying to you Bella Swan?" Does she honestly think I can lie to her. I take a chance whilst she is gazing at me blankly. I lean forward and gently kiss her lips. She doesn't pull away, but she doesn't respond either. "I love you, Isabella Swan. I couldn't lie to you if I tried. Tell me." She gazes at me.**

"**Davy's father was my stepfather."**

**A/N: Right, well, read and review. I'll try and get the next chapter up by the end of today, but I make no promises! **


	14. It Can't Be

It Can't Be

JPOVI stare at her.

"What do you mean, his father was your step-father?"

"What do you want me to do Jazz? Draw you a diagram?" She sounds desperate. I can see her eyes begging me to understand. "Davy's father is my stepfather, what more do you need me to say?"

"That's why, that's why you never mention him, that's why you never want to talk about the accident. Not because you don't want to remember your mother, but because of him." I can feel the raging anger building up inside me.

"That's why," she says softly. She's looking a Davy. As if keeping her eyes on him makes it easier.

"Oh Bella," I whisper helplessly. "Why didn't you tell me Bella?"

"I couldn't Jazz. I just couldn't. So many times, so many times I wanted to. When I told you I was pregnant - I wanted to tell you then. But I couldn't, I don't know why." She lets her voice trail off. She stares at Davy. "When he was born, and they told me he was dead - do you remember? - I didn't want to hold him. I was scared he'd look like Phil." The pause before she says his name is infinitesimal, but I notice it anyway. "I was scared I wouldn't be able to love him. But I do, and everyday, I try and forget." She pauses again, and gives Davy one of her fingers. He drools happily, and grips it tightly. The silence stretches on forever. I haven't moved since she told me. "Do you hate me Jasper?"

"What?" Excuse me? Why the hell would I hate her? "How could I hate you Bella. It wasn't you."

"I was fourteen," she says after a pause.

"You don't have to do this."

"Yes, I do, Jazz. I have to tell somebody. I was fourteen the first time he raped me. It was my fourteenth birthday, and he'd taken me to the cinema. On the way home, he pulled the car over, and he told me I had to satisfy him because Renee couldn't. He pulled me onto his lap, and he put two fingers inside me." There isn't so much as a flicker on her face. She just stares at her sleepy son, as if he is her centre of gravity. "I screamed - it hurt so much. He slammed my head back onto the steering wheel. When I came round I was lying in the back, and he was on top of me. I'd screamed again, but he just put his hand over my mouth and then he - he raped me. I don't think I've ever screamed so much. But he didn't stop." I don't think I've ever sat this still. "After that first day, he came to my room almost every night. He didn't always have sex with me. Sometimes he made me do other stuff. I won't let you touch me any further than a hug because he did everything but hug me. You shouldn't stay Jazz. You deserve somebody who can love you." Before I can object, she goes on, almost conversationally. "Davy was conceived on Christmas Day. He'd brought me a god damn sexy Santa outfit from Victoria's Secret. He made me wear it that night. And then they both went off to the pub for a New Years Drink. I didn't want to go, I wanted time alone. They let it go. And then the police came. They told me he was dead and my mother was dying. And I was relieved that he was dead. I was pleased. And I couldn't feel sorry for those thoughts. Not even when his mother came to the funeral and cried. I couldn't regret that her son had died. All I could think at first was that I was finally free, that he wouldn't come at night any more, to hurt me, to beat me, to do whatever with me. And then when Carlisle told me I was pregnant, I went into denial at first. I didn't want to face the fact that he still wasn't gone, he was still following me. I knew then that I could never run from him, even though I wanted to. I crossed states, and he still followed me. And when I couldn't deny the baby, when he moved for the first time, I didn't want to love him. I was so screwed up. My head was so full. I wanted to die when that table slammed into me. I wanted myself and my baby to die. The last things he touched. I wanted to be dead. That's what I was trying to tell Rose…what I wanted to tell her. But instead I told her it was too soon. I wondered what the hell I was on. I didn't want this child to live. I didn't even want to live myself. When I saw the blood I thought I had an easy way out. And now, somehow, I'm glad we both lived. Because he couldn't win then. It felt so right, somehow, holding him in my arms." She gazes at the boy who has now fallen asleep. "I won't blame you if you want to leave. Shut the door on the way out."

I don't move, but I don't speak either. She looks up at me.

"Are you alright?" She's asking me if I'm alright?

"Bella, you're asking ME if I'M alright? What about you?"

"I've been handling it for three years Jazz. I can handle it a little longer."

"He is incredibly lucky." She blinks at me.

"What?"

"He's dead. Because if he wasn't Bella, I would hunt him down, and I swear to God I'd kill him. I'd tear him apart with my bare hands for hurting you." She smiles slightly. "I mean it Bella." She looks up at me.

"I expect you do."

"Look at me."

"I am looking at you."

"Into my eyes, Isabella Swan. I will love you until Judgement Day and beyond. And I will be here for you, whether you want me or not. I will never leave your side again." I take a deep breath. "You don't exactly have achoice."

"You'll be here…forever?"

"Forever and beyond."

"And you'll never leave me?"

"No."

"And you love me."

"That is correct."

"Good. Because I love you too. And I don't want you to go." She snuggles into my arms, and I stroke her hair. I love her, and I don't care if she never lets me touch her. I'd love her if she never even kissed me.

"I don't care if you never let me touch you beyond this Isabella. That would be enough for me for the rest of my life. I've got you, and we have little Davy. I'll adopt him if you want."

"You'd adopt him?" "Yes, if that was what it took to prove myself."

"You don't have to prove it Jazz. I believe you. And if you ARE going to sick around, I want him to call you Dad."

"Well, that sounds like a reasonable request."

"Jazz?" "Yes?"

"I just want to try one thing." I look into deep eyes, that are upturned to mine.

"And what's that?" "Will you show me what it's like to be kissed?" I gape at her wordlessly. "I want to feel a real kiss Jazz, one that I want to happen. Please."

"Are you sure?"

"Never surer." I adjust her slightly, so she's directly in front of me.

"Close your eyes." She lets them flutter closed. "Tilt your head to the side." She does so, her breath catching in her chest. "You can say no at any time."

"Please Jazz…" I take a deep breath and lean in. I touch my lips to hers. She doesn't pull away. I put one hand on the side of her face and stroke her cheek. She sighs, warm breath ghosting across my lips. I kiss her again, slightly firmer, letting her feel the shape of my lips, become used to me. She lets her hands go to my shoulders, and then brings one hand to the back of my neck. It's she who deepens the kiss, and moves her mouth. It's she who parts her lips gently against mine. But it's me who gently slips my tongue into her mouth. I make it slow and gentle, and when she pulls away, I don't stop her. She rests her head against my shoulder, and I lie back against her head board. She rests her head on my chest.

"So that's what it's like to be kissed."

A/N: So, Jasper knows. But what will happen now? Please review.


	15. Keep The Secret

**_A/N: Ok, so I'm a bad person. It's been a while since I updated. My only excuse is college (just potentially gave away my age there) and I've been insanely busy. But, here is Chapter 15 of "On A Sparrow's Wings." As you should all remember, Bella told Jasper in the last chapter, and this chapter is...well, you'll find out..._**

Keep The Secret

JPOV

Have you ever been asked to keep a secret that could make or break a person? Have you ever had to keep a secret that you can't even begin to understand the complexity of? Would you keep that secret? Even if you totally disagreed with keeping the secret?

That's what I've been doing for nearly a month now. Bella has never again mentioned it, but sometimes she has flashbacks. She won't tell me what she sees when she goes back to those three years. And she always begs me to keep her secret. And despite the fact that every corner of my brain screams at me to tell Carlisle, to tell anybody. Bella is struggling, trying to keep up the normal façade, but I can tell she struggles. But whenever I bring up the subject, her reply is the same.

"You know Jazz. And that will be enough. Nobody else needs to know." She is ashamed of what that man did to her, I can tell. She is ashamed of how she felt during her pregnancy.

But as far as I'm concerned, the need to keep the secret is negated completely the day she blacks out in class.

We were in English, and all of a sudden, the teacher announced the next book we'd be studying.

"OK, before you all run off at the speed of light and then protest you "didn't hear" next lesson, I'm going to tell you the book you'll need next week. Sorry it's such short notice - I only got it off admin today." The teacher screws his face up. The school cut his budget, and he's now having us buy our own books and the school is never exactly prompt in giving him book lists. He never has long to plan his lessons. "You will all NEED - and I mean NEED - a copy of "The Colour Purple" for next week. And please -" All of a sudden, Bella crashes to the floor. Her eyes are huge and dark.

Fuck.

Double fuck.

The class erupts, the teachers screams for order, and gets everybody out. He sends somebody to get the nurse. Bella is curled into the foetal position, murmuring under her breath. I bend my head to hers, trying to hear.

"Please Phil, don't…please…it hurts…don't do that Phil, please…it hurts…no…IT HURTS!" She screams the last words, and jolts violently…as if she was shying away from something. Or someone. Only I know what she sees.

For whatever unknown reason, Carlisle arrived. He looks at my expression, at the mumbling Bella, and takes over.

"Jasper, step back please. Now, tell me, calmly and quietly, what exactly happened."

"I can't, not here. I'll explain later." Bella screams again, and this time she puts her hands against an invisible person and shoves. Only I know what she sees.

"What's she doing?"

"What she is doing, Dad, is having a flashback." the teacher has gone, presumably to take his next period class somewhere else, seeing as Bella can't be moved. Just then, Jake explodes through the door. He grinds to a dead halt, staring at Bella like he's seen a ghost. Edward comes in behind him.

"Dad, I -"

"Get him out of here Edward, now. Bella needs as much space as possible now." In reality, Jake could stay, she isn't here. She's with Phil, and she's reliving it again. I don't need to be told this is different. But Carlisle doesn't know that…and he can't know, not now. Edward puts both his arms around Jacob, and pulls him out.

"C'mon, Jake…you can't help her any….come on…we'll get you outside…come on." Jake allows himself to be dragged away.

"Don't, Phil…you know I hate that…please, don't make me … don't … no … PLEASE, NO!" She's getting louder. She's scrabbling with an invisible object, trying to fight somebody off. But then her head snaps back. It's like she's been punched in the face. Her hands fly to her face, tending an invisible injury. I've never felt so helpless.

BPOV

_It's never been this real. I'm so scared, and I can't say anything. He's here, he's really here. I know how old I am - fifteen. It's the weekend in the cottage.. He's in my room, and I'm trying to get him to go, to leave me alone. I can't remember why I fought so much that night - I knew it only caused me pain. He hits me, and I reel back, my head jerking. I bring my hands up to cup my nose. That was the first time he broke my nose. He pushed me to my knees in front of him. _

"_You're mine, Bella - don't try and fight it." He hisses. He forced my hands away from my face. I could feel the blood. He laughed, but ignored the fact I couldn't breathe through my nose. He shoved his cock into my mouth. I gagged around him. He trusted at me, hurting my nose. I couldn't breathe. His cock was in my mouth and my nose was pouring blood. He pulled himself away. He got me upright. I gasped for breath through my mouth. He dragged me to the table - I knew what was coming now, and I fought against it._

"_No, Phil…PLEASE, don't do this…it hurts!" I remember the pain. But he ties me down anyway. I'm at his mercy. I can't struggle. There's nowhere to run anyway. He yanks my hips up. They scream at the unnatural position. He just plunges inside me. I cough, choke. The blood, the blood is running the wrong way. It's going down my throat. I choke on it. I'm spitting blood. And then I fall into blackness._

JPOV

She's choking on something, horrible noises coming from her throat.

"You have got to tell me what you mean by flashback!"

"Her step-father abused her! He raped her, he beat her, he forced her to do all sorts of disgusting things! And she relives it, but this is different, Dad! She's never acted it, normally she just freezes up." Suddenly, a horrible gargling noise comes from Bella's throat, and then she goes very still. Carlisle checks her over.

"She isn't breathing!" He goes into doctor mode, breathing for her. "Call an ambulance!" I dial, hands shaking. He snatched the phone from me, and tells me to take over. I push air into her lungs, and pray for her life. I can't lose her. Davy can't lose her. He pushes me away, takes over again. She's a funny colour. But then, suddenly, she coughs, chokes, rolls onto her side and brings up breakfast. Carlisle makes her sit up, and he checks her over. She is still gasping for breath. She seems to be back though, because she swivels her head and turns to look at me. She doesn't even notice Carlisle.

"He was there Jazz. He was there." She closes her eyes. I open my mouth, but Carlisle beats me to it.

"She's alright Jasper, don't worry. She'll be fine. But we three need to have a very serious talk when this is over."

"You told him?!" Her eyes are huge, and she stares at me. She looks so betrayed and sad. "You promised me Jasper, you promised you wouldn't tell." she turns her head way.

"Bella, I didn't have a choice. You weren't just flashbacking…it was different this time. You were living it Bella - telling him he was hurting you, begging him not to, reeling away when he punched you in the face, and then you choked and stopped breathing Bella. He would have figured it out anyway - Carlisle isn't stupid."

"But you told!"

"I'm sorry. I thought I was doing the right thing. In fact, no, I knew I was doing the right thing. Bella - oh, God, you hate me anyway, I may as well say it - you need to get help. You can't just bottle it up. Look how well that's worked. I know you talk to Davy - but you need to talk to Carlisle. He can sort you out, he can get you a counsellor."

"I don't need a counsellor, Jasper, what I need is to be left alone! How I deal with it is my business!" But Carlisle comes in before I can say anything.

"Don't be angry at Jasper, Bella. He did the right thing by telling me. You had a very violent episodes."

"Yeah, I'm having a lot of them."

"Yes, but today you stopped breathing because of it. Sometimes, Bella, when a very traumatic event happens to us, we can relive it in great detail - right down to physically suffering from injuries sustained from that time. You need to talk to somebody about these episodes - because, as Jasper has told you, you can't bottle things up. Now, your father is here, and Esme has just arrived with Davy. I'm going to keep you in overnight. But you have got to tell your father."

"You tell him, Carlisle. I can't do that to him. He thought Phil was OK - and I can't give him the guilt of not knowing. Will you just…just break it to him as gently as you can?"

"Yes, if that's what you want."

"Can I see Davy, please?"

"I'll get him." I say, and make to leave.

"No, Jazz, don't. Stay - please." I go to her. I take the hand she holds out. I raise it to my lips and kiss it. She starts to cry, quietly. I gather her in my arms. She clings desperately to me, sobbing into the crook of my neck.

"I'm so sorry Jazz! I didn't mean to get angry at you!" She cries.

"Shh, Bella, shh. It's alright. It's all going to be alright." I say soothingly, because it will now.

I'll make it so it's alright for her. I'll never let her hurt again.

"Love you. Always love you."

**_A/N: So for those of you who are wondering about the Bella/Davy situation, Esme is looking after him whilst Bella completes her education._**

**_And yes, it's nearly finished now. Sorry for the cliff-hanger._**


	16. Memories

Memories

EdwardPOV

For a while, it seemed like she had fully put it behind her. Once Charlie knew, and the whole town knew, they rallied round her, supporting her. I think only Jasper knew how much she suffered. Not even Jake understood how she was really feeling. She was so good at hiding it, none of us realised until it was too late.

She went to college, she did her homework, she was there for Davy. She even gave the adoption papers to Jasper, and he adopted Davy legally. That was the first time I saw her smile with true happiness. She functioned, and it looked like she was coping.

She came to our civil partnership ceremony: she cracked jokes, and gave us Davy to hold whilst the photographer snapped away joyfully. And she and Jacob dazzled together as the old friends. So did she and Jasper. So beautiful. So sad. We all knew the pain behind her eyes would be there forever, but she handled it so well, it was too easy to forget. But she did handle it.

Even after she tried to hang herself, she handled it.

_I'll never forget that day: Jasper's voice on the phone, Davy screaming in the background, telling me to get to the hospital right now, Bella had tried to kill herself. I remember Jake's face going deadly pale. I remember the frantic drive to the hospital, going to fast, screaming to a halt, running across the car park, bursting through the doors to find Jasper with his head in his hands, Esme holding Davy and Rose and Alice with their arms around our brother, Emmett having a hushed and soothing conversation with Charlie. _

"_What happened?" Jake demanded hoarsely. I couldn't do anything but stare at my brother, the brother who'd never been like this and now looked so broken. _

"_I went out - I wasn't gone for more than ten minutes, I was just in the garage. And when I came back, she was hanging there…there was a note, just saying she couldn't handle it. I didn't know what to do, I just grabbed her legs and helped the pressure off her neck. She didn't move, I thought she was already dead. And then I cut her down - I can't even remember how - and she was on the floor. She wasn't breathing, and she didn't have a pulse. All I could think was that she couldn't die…" His voice trails off, and with a groan, he buries his head back in his hands. Jake sits down with a thump. _

"_But she was getting better," I whisper, staring at Jasper. He looks up at me, and his eyes are burning. "She was, Jazz, she was dealing with it. Why would she do this?"_

"_I think she's been planning it," Charlie broke in suddenly. "I don't think she ever intended to survive. Look at the plans she made, having Jasper adopt Davy, making sure people were prepared for when she was gone. She even had you two hold him, get to know him, so he'd always have people around him who loved him ,and he'd always know them." Jasper groans again, and starts sobbing. I've never seen him cry. Not even when his leg got broken by a car accident. He's never cried before. It kills me that he's crying now. But Alice puts her arms around him, and I crouch in front of Jacob and hold his hands. _

"_Why, Edward? Why would she…" He can't finish, and all there is left to do is hug him, and let him cry. _

_It was an hour and a half we sat there whilst they worked over Bella, trying to save her life. Carlisle came through. Jasper leapt to his feet like somebody had shot him and ran to him. Charlie followed him. _

"_Carlisle -" Charlie chocked out, staring at him. He'd looked so tired._

"_She's fine Charlie."_

"_I need to see her." Jasper had said, looking at him with huge, burning eyes. _

"_She's in a coma, Jazz - she won't know you're there."_

"_I still have to see her." _

"_Sit down, son, and you too, Charlie. Now listen, both of you. Bella came very, very close to death today. She was starved of oxygen for a substantial period of time. There may be permanent damage to her brain, but we won't know for certain unless she wakes up."_

"_Then I need to say goodbye." This time, Carlisle doesn't stop Jasper slipping round him, and going through the doors. Charlie seems to be paralysed in his chair. _

"_Carlisle, what are her chances? Honestly?"_

"_Slim, at best. Tonight is crucial - if she makes it through this night, she should wake up within the week. But, as I said, she may wake up brain-damaged."_

"_Carlisle, if her heart fails tonight…can you…can you not resuscitate her? Give her what she wanted."_

"_You need to discuss that with Jasper."_

"_I already did. He agrees. Please, Carlisle - promise me."_

"_Yes, of course." _

"_No!" Jacob pushed me, and I fell sprawling as he shot to his feet and glared at the two men. "You can't do that, I won't let you!" _

"_Jacob!"_

"_NO! She's my Bella, my girl, I won't let you let her die!" _

"_But it's what she wanted Jake. Please, be reasonable," I heard a soft voice say, before I realised it was me. I was still on the floor, looking up at him. He looked down at me, and his face crumpled. He hit the floor, curling into himself. I knelt next to him, and just held him._

_She made it through the night - just about. Her vitals dipped dangerously low towards three am, but she fought past it. _

_She woke up four days after. I was next to her, Esme having bullied Jasper into going to the canteen, getting a decent meal. I was holding the hand of the girl who'd become my sister, talking to her, telling her that she had to get better, because Davy needed her, because Jasper needed her, because Charlie and Jake and I needed her. Because everybody needed her. She was so brave, the ultimate survivor, she couldn't go now. It wasn't her turn, I insisted, she wasn't ready to die yet, no matter what she thought. Besides, if she had succeeded in this, it would have meant he would win. And she couldn't let him do that. That would be wrong. I told her all about Jake and I, how we were - how much we missed her. And then I'd slipped in the clincher. _

"_You still haven't told me why you call him Dog." _

_And she'd squeezed my hand. I'd sat bolt upright and turned to look at her. Bright brown eyes were looking at me. _

"_Bella?" And then I remember what Carlisle had said about brain damage. "You do remember me, right Bella?"_

"_Edward?"_

"_Yes, yes, Bella, that's me! It's Edward!" _

"_Where have I been?"_

"_I don't know. I don't know, Bella, but you're back now. It's going to be OK."_

_Jasper didn't leave her side for days. When I had burst into the canteen, telling him she was OK, that she was awake and she knew me, he'd knocked his chair over, and bolted from the room. Carlisle had caught him before he could explode into her room._

"_I will let you in there on ONE condition, young man." His face stern and doctorly. "You have to be very quiet and very calm, do you understand? She is still very fragile - she is not to be excited or worked up. Understood?"_

"_Let me past." The energy fields around him were touchable._

"_No way. Not until you can control yourself." He was shaking - with rage? Happiness? I didn't know, and I suspect he didn't either. Emmett had come up to us, Alice having gotten the message to him. He'd taken one look at Jasper, and had physically removed him from the vicinity of Bella. He'd sat him down in the canteen again, gotten him a good strong cup of very milky, very sweet tea, and informed him that if he didn't calm down, he'd tie him up if that was what it came to. I've never been so grateful for my brother being such a beast._

_He had to contain himself for an hour. And then Carlisle had come up, and sat beside him, and had a frank and serious conversation that nobody else was allowed to be part of. And then he'd nodded, and he'd calmly and quietly gone in to see her. Carlisle had told me to stand outside, to watch and listen, and to come to fetch him if Jasper got too worked up. We all knew about the emotional states Jasper could get into when he'd been under stress. I think, deep down, he knew I was there. _

_JPOV _

_"Hey," I'd whispered to her, brushing one of her curls back from her eyes, tracing the shape of her face with my fingertips. She'd leant into it, and I'd cupped her cheek with one hand. _

"_I'm sorry Jazz," she'd whispered back, her eyes filling._

"_Shh," I murmured, mindful of Carlisle's instructions. "Don't cry Bella - it'll be alright now."_

"_Will it?" she asked. The desperation in her face was terrifying. "Will it really? Will the nightmares and the flashbacks stop then?" I couldn't answer her, I could only stare. "Exactly. They'll always be there Jazz, and I can't do it - I can't." She's crying now, tears sliding down her face. I can feel Edward's gaze burning into my back. I shake my head - both at her and at him._

"_Yes you can Bella - look at you now. You're still here, you're still fighting, still alive, even after everything that life has thrown at you to kill you. You're strong Bella, stronger than anyone I've ever known, and I know you can." I stroke her hair again. "I believe in you, and trust me Bella - I'm not leaving you, not now, not ever. I will be here for as long as you need, for as long as it takes to make it go away Bella." She turns her face to the wall, still crying silently. "Don't you turn your face away Bella! Don't you look away. I nearly lost you, and I need to see you. Look at me - and listen Bella, listen." I pull her upright, and rest her head against my chest so she can hear my heartbeat. I put my own hand on her chest. "Listen to my heart Bella, and then listen to yours. My heart died when I found you hanging there - because it beats only for you. I can't live without you - and Davy needs us both. Keep your heart beating Bella, and then mine will keep going with yours. And they can beat together, and we can live together, and I will stay with you until the darkness comes forever. I love you, and that will never change - like a heartbeat never changes its rhythm." _

**A/N: This was meant to be the last chapter, but oh well. The next chapter will be the last. Just to make it very clear, when Edward is writing in normal font at the beginning, it's roughly a year after Bella tried to hang herself. The nest chapter will start at the same place as the beginning of this one: a year on from Bella's unsuccessful suicide attempt. Hope I've made that clear, sorry if it caused confusion.**


	17. Memories Pt 2

**_Just to reiterate: this is a year on from Bella's suicide attempt_**

Memories Pt 2

EdwardPOV

Neither of them told me what he said to her that day. But whatever it was, it had made a difference. Bella accepted treatment during her stay in hospital, seeing a councillor that specialises in abuse. She never discussed their sessions, that was for sure. The scarring around her neck would be worn like a necklace for the rest of her life, but she never tried to hide it. She said it was reminder of darker times, of times she'd rather forget but had to remember because Davy would be owed an explanation at some point. I never really understood it, but the way Jasper reacted told me he did. He'd kissed her lightly, and put his arms around them both: the woman he loved and the child he'd adopted as his own. And then Davy had looked up at Bella and had gurgled once and then said his first word.

"Mamma," a little voice said. Bella had gawked at him like he'd just leapt out of her arms and danced a flawless waltz. Jasper had laughed, and then she'd burst into tears and Alice had jumped up and down, Rosalie had gone all gooey and cooed over him and Carlisle had smirked at Bella, and you could practically see him thinking she's got so much to come yet.

"It's all downhill from here Bella! As soon as they talk, they talk back!" Charlie had said, a little moist around the eyes himself.

From then on, with every milestone Davy reached, Bella had gained strength and the light had brightened in her eyes. When Davy took his first shaky steps from Jasper to her and proudly shown his Mamma his first tooth, his first sentence, she had gone from better to better, from bright to brighter.

And the day she walked down the aisle to marry my brother, I didn't have a clue she was hiding a secret. She'd said I do with sparkling eyes, a flushed face and looking unbelievably beautiful. Jasper had choked through his tears his vows and she'd smiled her way through hers. And at the reception, when, as the best man, Emmett had leapt to his feet and made a speech typically full of jokes and implications, Bella herself had leapt into his arms, thanking him for being such a fantastic brother. It was contact she would never have initiated a year before, but Emmett had been allowed to seize her in a bone-crushing hug and spin her round. And when she and Jasper had stepped out onto the floor to Westlife's Unbreakable, Jasper had held her like she was made of spun glass and would shatter to pieces if he held on too tightly, there was speculation and gossip. But nobody was prepared for Jasper to make his speech at the end, just before they left for London and their honeymoon.

"Well, everybody, today, Isabella Swan has made me the happiest man alive - but not just because she agreed to marry me. Last night, before I was unceremoniously hauled away because it's "bad luck for the groom to see the bride before the wedding", she told me something she was deliberately keeping. I am overwhelmingly happy to announce to all of you, that Bella here is going to make me a father - she is pregnant." There was thirty seconds of dead silence, and then the screams of "oh my god!" began. Bella was purple in the face, and Jasper was grinning around like a lunatic. I didn't even know they'd started sleeping together. But Emmett gave several loud catcalls, which earned him a whack round the head from Carlisle. Jacob was blubbering like a baby, and Esme had had to take him outside to calm down. And then I saw Bella fighting her way through the crowds. She came to a stop in front of me and smiled shyly up at me.

"You kept that quiet."

"I didn't know myself until yesterday, not for certain anyway."

"Come here, give me a hug." I swept her up in my arms and cuddled her close, being careful of her.

"Do you still want to know why I call him Dog?" she asked, her eyes gleaming.

"Yes!"

"Well, when he first "came out" he got himself a guy down on the Makah rez - you don't get jealous of exes, do you?"

"No, no."

"Well, this guy was a beast. Seriously, think of Jacob and then like double him, that was how huge this guy was. Anyway, he used to have this mongrel - irritating little thing that dog was - and Jacob loved this little object very much. And anyway, when this guy cheated on him, Jacob made off with this mongrel in revenge. Two weeks later he turned up at my house, begging me to drive him down to the rez to give this dog back. And because it was the most annoying drive I've ever made, with that thing yapping in my ear, I've called him Dog ever since. It's not really that funny, now I come to think of it. But he was so obsessed with that dog." I stare at her, then snort. And then we hear Jacob behind us.

"Bella! You said you wouldn't tell!"

"Quiet…Dog."

"I hate you sometimes."

"No you don't. Now give me a kiss, quick - I have to run, Jazz is getting impatient, we'll miss our flight is we aren't leaving now." We both kiss her, and she darts off to join her new husband. He kisses her on the doorstep and everybody cheers.

EIGHTY YEARS LATER

JacobPOV

They had a long life together, happy and peaceful. They had two kids together, a girl and another boy. She never stopped smiling, except for moments when she'd look at Davy, and a flicker of sadness would pass over her face. Everybody knew how happy the little family was, and everybody knew what blackness haunted her nightmares sometimes. And when she was diagnosed with cancer at the age of 91, she had dealt with that with the same levels of capability she'd handled everything since that black day when she'd tried to end everything. And when Jasper got ill towards the end, and ended up virtually bedridden, she'd taken care of him too. They died within hours of each other, and Davy had found them both when he'd gone round the next morning to say hello on his way to work, just as he always did. Edward, now an old man who needed help doing anything at all, had nonetheless gone straight there, to help, and call the necessary people when Davy found his hands shook too badly to do anything but sit. And then he'd called me, and I'd joined him at the funeral home. Suddenly, we were organizing a funeral for the two people who were always so full of life. Their three children had mounted the stage, taking it in turns to read the dedication. But it was the slide show. Set to Seasons in the Sun, it had showed a couple in love, no matter what stage of life they were at. Even when Bella was using sticks to get around, and Jasper was in bed because he was in too much pain to move, they still had love written on their faces. It was incredible. And they looked so perfect.

That's the way I'll remember them. Because even though the end is near for me, at the age of nearly 98, I still have time, and I'll remember them as the couple who loved each other until the end.

**_A/N: So this is it. On A Sparrow's wings has officially finished. I hope you all liked it. please review and tell me what you think._**


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